I taste the slight taste of nail polish on my toes.

Yay! I have obtained another follower. Now I have three! It's so redeeming to know there are some people who possibly enjoy reading the ramblings from the mind of Valerie! I suspect there are more people reading than I am aware of. So If you're reading please shoot me an email and let me know. It won't change anything I have to say here. Email me at: puppyzmommy@yahoo.com

But let me say Dad, if you're reading this, just stop here. And never read again. I don't want to know that you're reading. I would be afraid to ever write again. Oh, whatever! I'm well over 30 years old. What are you gonna do? Read whatever you want. I don't want to hear about it later!
On with my topic for today.

Just to enlighten you, I'm probably going to hell. God, I hope not. I hope the good that I've done in life outweighs the bad. But.....

A few nights ago I really, really wanted to go out to a bar with some friends. A karaoke bar. It's its own special kind of evil. It enchants you with its draw of stardom and the promise of a good time. Only for you to make an ass of yourself and then have the bar fill up with oodles of young college preppies who don't give a damn that they are making asses of themselves, but force you to listen. (Seriously, I had a great time. It's just funny to make it sound this harsh.) Anyhoo, I really wanted to go so my hubby offered to watch the kids and let me go out. Believe it or not, this is the first time we've done this since we've been married. And that was my first mistake. (No, I didn't have an affair!)

Actually, I felt bad for going out without my husband. I would be pissed if he left me with the kids and went out! Was he pissed at me? No. Although I still probably won't let him go out without me. I am not scared he'll cheat or bitter that he left me at home, he just forgets his limits when he's out! So, it's best that I drive him around. AND perhaps I would not have made such an ass of myself if he was there. If he's not around I feel a little free er to boldly misbehave as no one should. If he's there I dote on him, making sure he's not uncomfortable, trying to slow him down on his drinks, or trying to convince him to eat something. You know, mothering the boy.

Let's rewind for a minute. You may not know that I spent about a year, year and a half bar tending at a karaoke bar. Good 'ole "Rumors". That was the best but worst time of my life ever. I most likely bought my one way ticket to hell back then, but I had fun doing it. Then hated myself for it later. Talk about doing bad, bad things. Um. "Rumors" is also where I got my taste for younger men. It all started with this little hottie from Wisconsin. He was just 21 and I was 26. That was really young to me then. He was infatuated with the southern girls (I don't really see myself as a southern girl, but whatever) and I was happy to give in to his infatuation. Also, I really liked that he didn't live here, would work here for about a week go home a few days and then come back. I knew he was only here for about a year, that it would never be a "relationship". And I loved how appreciative he was. (I am blushing as I write this!) That is just the tip of the iceberg of the bad things I did there but, as much as I am willing to share! I forget that was about 10 years ago. It seems like yesterday.

Back to the present. When I joined our group at Bourbon St. I sat at the opposite end of the table, facing away from the stage. I think it was subconscious. Although I kept turning my neck to see the stage I mostly found myself watching the door. I was looking for and expecting some skeleton in my closet to walk in. I was also bracing for a quick exit. Jose started calling my name. I only had a few (4). I drank them quickly and early in the night because I do have enough sense to know that I need to be sobered up to drive home. I was never really drunk, just very tipsy and enjoying myself. This also paved the way for yet another strike against God.

At my tipsiest (is that a word?) a lovely young couple from our group was making their way around the table to say their goodbyes. This is where I put my foot in my mouth, again. I'm gonna give you a little dialogue. For this we're gonna use some abbreviations. We will call her lyl = lovely young lady. We'll call me da = dumb ass. OK. Got it? Let's start.

"Bye! It was good to see you." says the lyl.

"Oh, you guys are leaving?" replies the da.

"Yeah. Gotta get up for church!" answers the lyl.

"Well, PRAY FOR ME!" jokes the da.

Here is where I taste the slight taste of nail polish on my toes. WHO! WHO! Jokes about praying! Why tempt God to smite you! Oh, it gets a little worse.

The lyl, being the caring, God loving, honest Christian we should all be, takes the hand of the da, looks deeply in her eyes and says, honestly and full of concern "What do you need?"

The da sinks lower in her seat, full of remorse and honestly replies "Patience."

OK, I hope I redeemed myself a little in God's eyes with that. I could feel the Devil scuttling away under the table. Probably off towards a few of those college preppies to get a threesome started.

About God, I truly feel that if you keep God in your heart, treat people well, and raise your kids right that that is enough. I've tried Church, several times. I don't feel like I fit in. So, I keep God in my heart and TRY to do right by him.

After smiting God in a bar, I was really ready to go home. But, I was at my tipsiest and had to wait for sobriety. My ears were bleeding. I watched the door tentatively. I kept sipping on Diet Coke hopping caffeine would speed up the process. On my last trip up to the bar to get another soda this gross old guy from across the bar started making googly eyes and kissy lips at me. Ew. (He was probably my age. HA!) OH, I am too old for this shit! But alas, I really did have fun overall and WILL do it again.